When Times are Tough

     I'm having a rough night....a really rough night. The kids have been absolutely horrible this entire week; there is constant fighting, screaming, yelling and I swear it's never ending. I'm at the end of my rope and the days are so long now.
     Not to mention that this pregnancy is, by far, the hardest one I've had. It seems that we have had so many bumps along the way this time. First, we were told I would miscarry by my prior OB/GYN and we sought a second opinion. Needless to say, baby had a strong heartbeat and was measuring right on schedule based on ovulation. Then, a couple of months ago, we went for our gender scan and found out that we would be having a little boy...Judah. BUT, yet again, the news wasn't great. I was told there was scar tissue that Judah could become entangled in, preventing blood flow to his little body with the possibility of stunting his growth. That was terrifying to hear, but they scheduled me for another ultrasound four weeks later.
     Then, I caught the flu about two weeks after my appointment. I couldn't eat, sleep, or literally move off of the couch for days; like, I'm talking a good 10-11 days. After the flu itself went away, I found out that I had a severe iron deficiency, and was too weak to even get up. I spent the next week laying in bed or on the couch, barely able to walk to the bathroom and back. My Mom and Husband were absolute lifesavers during this entire process and spent their days taking turns taking care of me.
     A few days ago, after starting on iron supplements, I felt my energy slowly begin to return. It's still nowhere near where it was and I spend my days frustrated at myself for not being able to do more with the kids. We did get great news at our ultrasound on Friday concerning the scar tissue; Judah's head has compressed all of the tissue that could have been an issue into my uterine wall. This means that he no long can become entangled in it, which is definitely an answer to prayer.
     Friday I also had my one hour glucose test, which I failed miserably. So that means next week I have to do the three hour one...and that totally bums me out. I'm trying so hard to have a good attitude about everything but I am really struggling right now. On top of all the physical pregnancy related issues (racing heartbeat, dizziness, a return of morning sickness etc) I am still trying to ensure that the rest of my kiddos have fun filled days. And honestly, most days all I really want to do is lay down and relax with my feet up. Instead, I'm fixing breakfast, lunch and snacks, teaching Noah school, playing with the kids. Tonight, I'm really feeling it...I'm drained. Totally drained. As I listen to their loudness, which normally makes me giggle, tonight it's putting me on edge. I know it's the combination of everything I've dealt with during the last month, but it still makes me feel like an awful Mom. I feel so guilty knowing that I can't keep up with their pace right now. I am so in love with baby Judah and I can't wait for him to arrive, but the waiting game (especially during third trimester) is sooooo rough. I need prayers and lots of them right now. God is so good and I believe He is going to get me through this rough patch of life. 

:-(

I'm having a really rough day today. Not going to go into details but please say a prayer for me. :-) I hope each of you is having a day full of blessings.

*YAWN*

Wow! Today has been rough. I feel like I've had zero patience with the kids, which is totally unlike me. Every single one of them has pretty much refused to listen and the boys have been full of tantrums. A part of me thinks they are reacting (and regressing) because of baby Judah. Haleigh is now obsessed with talking like a baby and Noah Bug has redeveloped that toddler attitude I was certain he had outgrown. I am so thankful that Caleb and I finally arrived at the decision that this baby will be our last. As much as I would love to have more, I want to be sure I can equally divide my attention among all four kids. With three, somedays I struggle, especially now that we are a homeschooling family. I do believe that once I have this little one my energy and patience will return. These days I constantly feel drained and like I'm riding a hormonal roller coaster. And most days I can push through the emotions and still feel somewhat normal. But today...not so much. I put the kiddos down for naps and if they actually go to sleep I may try to take one myself. I know that a huge portion of this is due to not sleeping well the past few nights. But, praying and hoping for a great snooze tonight. :-)

It's a.......

     Sorry I'm late getting around to this post. I'm sure most of you expect that from me these days, lol. Three kids and another on the way...there's just always stuff to do. :-)  Just wanted to let everyone know that when we went for our ultrasound last Thursday we found out we are definitely having a BOY!! His name will be William Judah, but we have decided to call him Jude for short. I can't begin to tell you how thankful we are to God above for another beautiful miracle.

Depression

     Looks like these lovely hormones of mine are working overtime. I've already started struggling with feelings of depression. I know this is the "norm" for me during pregnancy but I was really hoping it wouldn't effect me this time around. I'm so thankful for the antidepressants my doctor has me on, as they are at least making daily life bearable, but I hate feeling this way. It's a mixture of boredom and the inability to control my emotions. Not to mention I'm completely exhausted and just feel "down". I'm almost to the halfway point (I'm 19 weeks, 1 day) and I'm also having my c-section at 39 weeks. So, for that I'm thankful. I can't wait to have this sweet baby here in my arms and out of my belly. :-)  And I'm looking forward to our appointment tomorrow morning and keeping my fingers crossed that little one keeps their legs UNCROSSED, lol. I hope everyone is having an awesome day and I will try to update at some point tomorrow if we are able to find out boy or girl.

TWO DAYS

...until we go for our gender scan. Originally we were supposed to go today but the ultrasound tech ended up having to reschedule for Thursday, which is fine. I honestly think I'd be okay if we couldn't find out but part of me wants to be prepared. We didn't really plan on having any more babies so we pretty much got rid of everything infant related. We have been blessed with some amazing yardsale finds recently so we are slowly accumulating some of those much needed items. And a friend of mine gave us the baby swing we are going to use for FREE. :-)
     I'm currently typing away on my new Chrome Cloud (laptop). My awesome Husband gave it to me for our anniversary and I'm pretty ecstatic. It's so nice to not have to run downstairs every time I need to hop on the computer. Oh, and speaking of our anniversary, we will have been married for six years this Saturday...and officially a couple for 12 years. Looking at that I'm like WHOA! Who knew that so many years could fly by and it feel like only yesterday I was being introduced to my spouse for the first time.
     Next weekend we are actually going out of town for a night to celebrate. I am so looking forward to a night away from home where I can just be Raquel (and not Mommy) for a few hours. It is much needed and I can't wait.
     Hope everyone is having a great start to their week. Tuesdays are such a blah day for me and today is proving to be the same. :-)

Kindergarten...here we come!!

     We are OFFICIALLY homeschoolers!!! Just put in our very first order for a curriculum. We have chosen Heart of Dakota Little Hearts for His Glory to use for Noah's year of Kindergarten. I don't know who is more excited...Mommy or Noah Bug. :-)
     I must admit I'm pretty nervous to start this journey but I know that with God at the helm, we are going to do great. Please be praying for our family as we have discovered, it takes a village to raise a child...and we're going to have four soon, lol.

Typing Away...

     My littlest one is sick today. :-(  Last night he felt really hot so I took his temperature and, sure enough, 101.0. He slept really well (like 2 hours longer than usual) and seemed to be doing ok when he woke up. As the day passed, though, his fever came back and he fought nap time like crazy, which is totally unlike him. So, instead of laying him in his crib, I rocked him and sang to him and laid him down on his brother's bed, where he dozed off to sleep. I'm praying that maybe this will be a good segway into him being willing to sleep in a big boy bed...because he is going to have to give his crib up in a few months when Arabella/Jude arrive. :-)
     In other news, I get to go to the beach in October. It was a total surprise but Hubby's work is sending him to Hampton/Virginia Beach area for a mandatory conference and family is allowed to tag along. I've decided to just take Noah along because I know there is no way I can manage all three little ones by myself. I'm just so stinkin' excited because the entire trip will be paid for!! And then of course, that's like the last real relaxing moment before life starts to get really crazy again...holidays, welcoming a new baby, buying Christmas gifts etc.
     I also received more wonderful news from two dear people in my life but will wait to post about that another time. All I will say is that we serve an amazing God. :-)  Blessings, sweet friends.

God Answers Prayers

     It's hard to believe so much time has passed since I blogged. First off, I just want to say that God has worked so many miracles in our family over the past few months. I wake up daily counting many blessings and praise God for His love for us. :-)
     Our sweet baby on the way is now 17 weeks, 2 days old. I've felt little one begin to move daily and it's such a joy to feel life stirring within me again. We go for our gender scan July 8th and are crossing our fingers baby will cooperate so we know if we are having a boy or a girl. I'm definitely leaning towards a little princess because of the horrible mood swings and depression that has already started up. Praise the Lord names have also been decided....Arabella Fayth or William Judah (Jude for short). And we have chosen to spell the FAITH untraditionally, with a Y because hubby's mom's middle name is Fay. :-)
     We are heading towards the beach in October for a business convention my husband's work is sending him to. Currently I'm considering just taking our oldest, Noah, because I will be almost 8 months pregnant and nowhere near capable of keeping up with three at once. Please be praying that God will provide family or friends to watch Bear and Bop for us and that I will be able to leave them without getting overly upset. I hate it when our family is apart but want to make the best decision for everyone.
     I hope each of you is doing well and it was nice dropping in to my blog again. Sometimes writing is what I need to lift my spirits and erase certain worries. Have a blessed day.

Here is an updated photo of our babies:

Big News

     I said I would announce something exciting going on in our home...we found out we are expecting baby number 4. We have had a few issues which are worrying us but we are trying our hardest to stay positive. I woke up Wednesday morning with a little bit of light spotting so went ahead and called my OBGYN's office to set up an appointment. They saw me right away for an ultrasound but said I was measuring two weeks behind...by my last period the baby should have been around 7 weeks, 4 days. I tried explaining to both the ultrasound tech and my doctor that I was late ovulating and couldn't have conceived until March 6th. They both pretty much brushed me off like I had no clue what I was talking about.
     The conversation that followed was probably one of the most heartbreaking ones I've experienced. I sat down in front of my doctor who proceeded to tell me that "you will miscarry sometime over the next week; probably before your next appointment". As you can imagine, I was devastated. I tried getting her to explain her reasoning and all she kept saying was that it was because by when my last menstrual period was, my gestational sac/baby/yolk should be measuring further along than 5 weeks. :-(
     After talking it over with my awesome husband, we decided to set up an appointment with another doctor at a different practice. That visit is coming up on Tuesday and we are praying with our whole hearts that we see our precious little one and a strong heartbeat...I can't imagine the feelings I will experience if they confirm that I have/will be miscarrying this baby.
     It's amazing that a child that I have never met, never heard, and not even felt move, I could have already fallen so in love with. Regardless of the outcome, God is with us through this. I had a friend send me the verse Jeremiah 29:11; " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Wow!! Talk about the promises of God!! :-)
     As we enter this week facing the unknown, please be in prayer for us and this precious life God has blessed us with. Hope each of you have a wonderful week and I will try my hardest to update once I find something out on Tuesday. It really just depends on the outcome, I guess. God bless!!