Exhausted..But Not Really Wanting to Go to Bed!

     So, it's almost 1am and I am currently forcing myself to stay awake so that I can feed Noah when he decides to wake up. Yeah, I should be sleeping but once I fall asleep I have SO much trouble getting myself to wake up, so it's easier for me just to stay awake for his first feeding during the night. Not to mention, Caleb has been doing ALL the night feedings almost every night since we brought the little booger home, lol. It has been working out really well that way, but he is getting an awful cold so I wanted to make sure he had his rest tonight.
     Life as a mommy has been going surprisingly better than I thought. I have my days where I just want to cry and never stop...but they are becoming few and far between. I think one of the biggest problems I am adjusting to and having to deal with is the fact that I am SUPER overprotective of Noah. Example: People (I'm using this term loosely because I have specific people in mind but I'm not going to mention any names) love to watch him...but, it's like, I don't even feel very comfortable with that. I tell them to do something a certain way, just because I know that Noah is used to a routine, but they choose to do it very differently. OR, if I specifically ask them not to hold him ALL the time...especially while he is sleeping (since we are doing our best to get him to sleep in his crib for naps and at nighttime) THEY DON'T LISTEN!  Grrr...it just makes me SO freaking angry. I went through hell to get him here; almost 10 LONG months of pregnancy, 14 hours of hard labor, and an emergency c-section. I love him with my whole heart. I never knew I would be SO posessive over my little one...especially with the same people I have trusted all my life. I honestly believe the ONLY person besides myself, that I feel 100% comfortable with being with him is my hubby...who does an amazing job as a Daddy! *big smile*
     The thing is, I really, really don't want to be this way. Infact, I HATE it...it's not like me to act like this. I guess when you have had that close of a connection with another human being...the fact that he lived and breathed inside of me for so long...makes trusting people with him really hard. I'm just so afraid that someone else will do something differently than how I do, and it will upset him...or that he will miss his mommy. I sound so stupid, but it's how I've been feeling over the past 5 weeks. I'm sure that feeling will fade over time..but I'm not expecting it to completely go away. It just means I love Noah more than he will ever be able to know....LOL.
     On to something else...Caleb and I have been working very hard to get Noah on a good sleep schedule. It's been pretty rough up til this point for the simple fact that he hasn't had much of a sleep pattern. It was pretty much all over the place. Well, for the past week, it has been more predictable, so we decided it was time to start a nightly bedtime ritual to hopefully ensure he starts to sleep a little better. Not that it's been bad so far...just that some nights he was going to sleep at 10, others at 1am, and still some nights around 7 or 8ish. It's just been so scattered, it's hard for Caleb and I to find any "us time" in the course of a day. So, we have started getting him ready for bed around 7pm which at best, takes an hour. Then, I start his soothing sounds (he seems to like the heartbeat the best), read him his favorite book (he LOVED hearing it when he was in my belly; Oh Baby the Places You'll Go...A Book to be Read in Utero!!!!), rock him for about 15 or so minutes and put him to bed. Not that he goes to sleep right away. He cries until we pick him up, rock him again, and back to bed. So, the cycle continues until he finally falls asleep, exhausted. Tonight was a real breakthrough for us, because although it took 2 hours for him to finally fall asleep, he was out before 10pm. Then, Caleb and I had time to talk, take our shower (yes, we shower together now, lol...not only because it saves time, but it's one of the few minutes we have during the day to ourselves...and it's hard to tell when Noah will wake up next and one of us has to rush out of the shower, soaking wet, to soothe him, lol), and get to bed. Now, my hubby is peacefully sleeping while I sit here and wait for my beautiful little boy to wake up and eat! *sighs* Who knew that I would ever be glad to sit here, TOTALLY exhausted, but not really wanting to go to sleep yet just so I can see and hold my angel.  I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to the Lord for each and every blessing. God is truly good!
     PS-I'm really looking forward to this weekend...I get to spend some much needed time with the hubbz, and I also get to hang out with my brother, who I haven't really seen much since Noah was born. I really can't wait!