Parenting Humor

Funny Quotes:

1. The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.

2. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.


3. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

4. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.



5. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.



6. If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, "keep away from children."



7. The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.



8. A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.



9. Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

10. Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

Parenting Jokes:

1. Out of food supplies


With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.

As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN."

When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:

"MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT."'

2. The First Parent

    by Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids.
After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?", Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"
"It's over there," said God, wondering why He hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Adam answered.
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

LINKS:
http://www.law-of-attraction-parenting.com/funny-parenting-tips.html
http://www.ahajokes.com/parent_jokes.html
http://www.funnytimes.com/cartoons